As a tribute to Sean Eddy‘s wonderfully delightful series of celebrity medics “If (INSERT NAME) Were A Paramedic…“, a few other bloggers and I have decided to fantasize what would happen if football upset king Tim Tebow were a Paramedic. Here is what I came up with:
Tim Tebow will start every shift by Tebowing… both in the garage and again in the back of the ambulance to mark his territory.
Tim Tebow will get dispatched via huddle. When the huddle dispatches him to a potentially messy job, his driver will call an audible and they will get reassigned to the cake walk dialysis take home.
Tim Tebow will have a verse change in his make-up… from EPH 2:8-10 to LKE 10:25-37.
Tim Tebow will not need to do vital signs… they will become what he wants them to become.
Tim Tebow will not need to carry anything… his crew of 10 will carry the equipment, the patient, AND Tim Tebow to and from the assignment.
Tim Tebow will not do paperwork… that will be done by the admin staff at quarters for him.
Tim Tebow will not give a report to the receiving hospital… he will instead perform more Tebowing as the nurse rattles off possible diagnosis.
Tim Tebow will end his shift the same way he started it… Tebowing both in the back of his rig and in the garage to mark the end of another successful shift… and then his crew will carry him home where he can watch the replay of the Giants winning Superbowl XLVI.
No related posts.
I believe that if Tebow were a paramedic it would go a little differently. I agree that he would start off by Tebowing in quarters and in the back of the ambulance. However, for the first 3/4s of the shift, he would turf most calls to his BLS partner, miss any IVs he attempts, and probably misdiagnose a few patients. The fire department would carry his gear, and he would Tebow in the ED while his partner brought his patient to triage.
During the last quarter of his shift, Every patient would get a full ALS workup, he’d have a 100% intubation and IV success rate, he would treat every patient like gold, and would somehow make it seem that he carried all the gear, and did all the work. He would still Tebow in the corner while his partner presented the patient to triage, and somehow he would earn employee of the month or medic of the year. He would again end the shift by Tebowing and telling his managers that he wants to thank his Lord and Savior before saying goodbye.
Obviously you watch way more football than I do.
Is there a reason you don’t already blog?
Well done. I got some good laughs out of this one!
I’m only in it for the good laughs… not the bad ones… so thanks!
I got some real good laughs out of this. Thanks a bunch!
I’m just an imitator… far from the originator… to whom I Tebow…